Things I've Learned This Week

....Reflections on a varied schedule from British Business Excellence to Tackling Gambling Harm to Chatting to Children about Friendship

I’ve had one of those weeks where looking at my diary makes me go cross-eye’d. My adventures have included delivering webinars and workshops on healthy friendship to children and young people in Ealing, chairing a panel about tackling the manosphere on stage at EUROUT (the UK’s leading event for queer business leaders) at the London Business School, attending the British Business Excellence Awards (where I was a judge in the DEI category), hosting the BetKnowMore UK annual gala to celebrate those using their lived experience of gambling harm to help others and of course hosting my weekly show on LBC. Plus, a podcast I recorded with the mighty Zack Polanski was released into the wild and my social media mentions have been HECTIC (in a good way) ever since.

Here, in no particular order, is what I’ve learned this week:

- A lot of children when asked to define ‘confidence’ will say it is ‘speaking up and saying what you think’. And sometimes it is. But it’s taken me until the grand old age of 44 to learn that the most confident people also have the ability to shut the eff up and sit the eff down when necessary/appropriate. The loudest person in the room almost certainly isn’t the most confident, or the most correct.

- Some adults never grow out of this way of viewing the world: Yesterday on my LBC show several listeners seemed to genuinely believe that the only reason anyone thinks Trump incited the riots on Capitol Hill on 6^th January 2021 is because of the way a Panorama documentary which aired almost 3 years later was edited. It’s like their memory of the insurrection actually happening, the speech we all saw Trump give beforehand, the way we all heard him lie about the 2020 election result, has disappeared from their memory because Trump has ‘confidently’ said something about BBC bias.

- On a similar note, as outlined in this brilliant substack by Sam Bright, there’s a strange cognitive bias happening in the minds of those who consider themselves ‘patriotic’ but dedicate a lot of their lives to slagging off the NHS, National Trust, BBC and other flawed-but-important-and-beloved British institutions. (Also, BACK OFF MAKING UP SHIT ABOUT LONDON. YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE. Just the other day Forbes declared that it’s the best city in the world to live and work which I am really chuffed about BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY PATRIOTIC).

- The so-called ‘manosphere’ is of course relevant to all of this: Terrible life and dating advice (actually a manual in self-destruction and coercive control) is being served up alongside far right conspiracy. Most people acknowledge this. What we can’t agree on is what to do about it. There’s enthusiasm for banning certain platforms (particularly X) in some quarters, where others think censorship will make the problem worse. Some people think ‘role models’ are the answer, others think no amount of good role modelling will defeat algorithmic bias and cult mentality. Some think it’s three-dimensional community and ‘touching grass’ that will break us out of our collective delusions, others think the left wing need to play the far right at its own game and introduce our own form of web-based populism.

- Having said that, judging by the phenomenal response to my chat with Zack Polanski on Bold Politics about education and mental health, there’s a real thirst for nuanced, longform, data-led, calm conversation. This makes me feel optimistic in terms of appetite for my LBC show, where that’s always the vibe I’m trying to bring, as an antidote for the viral moments of people screaming slogans and trying to ‘own’ each other.

- The type of people who enjoy thoughtful dialogue are less likely to judge you on your appearance. Look, I know it doesn’t matter really, but owing to a combination of unfortunate lighting, angle and sartorial choices on that day I look like an actual moose on Bold Politics. And no one has said a thing about it (apart from one of my friends who asked me what TF I was wearing and why and that’s fine because it was said with love).

- The business community appear to really loathe Rachel Reeves. When she appeared on screen at the British Business Excellence Awards she was actually booed. That’s of note only because I don’t know many workers who are a fan of her either and it’s unusual to have a Chancellor whose policies are unpopular on both sides of the employment divide.

- One of the events I did for young people in Ealing was at the Mahaba Café – Do pop in and support them if you’re ever in the area. They train people with special educational needs in barista skills and do very, very, very good hummus.

- If you put 7-10 year olds and their parents in a buffet situation, the girl children will serve themselves and the mothers of the boy children will get their food for them. Admittedly this is based on observing a not particularly robust sample size of about 40 kids, but it feels relevant.

- If you want to see the power of community and ‘boots on the ground’ in action, look at the work of BetKnowMore. They have peer mentorship programmes that help people who have been affected by gambling harms - a massive problem in society, rarely acknowledged in the same way as, say, addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Being in a room with these people on Friday and hearing how passionate they were about using their experience to help others (or in the words of Clark Carlisle ‘my mess became my message’) really filled me with hope for humanity. You can listen to the ‘New Beginnings’ podcast where I talk to women affected by gambling addiction (alongside the amazing Lisa Walker who founded a service especially for women experiencing gambling harm) here.